That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
