Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
