Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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