I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
