just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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