and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
