Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
