I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
