i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
