if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
