He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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