Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
