im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
