We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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