worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
