So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
