wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
