Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
