I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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