would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
