Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize