I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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