If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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