**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
