Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
