My sheets look like a crime scene.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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