Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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