I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
