you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
