I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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