he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
COCAINE IS GR8
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
