My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
