You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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