Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
