Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
