White coat. Heels.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
