Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
