Dual....:-)
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
