she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
