a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
