I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize