Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
