shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
