any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize