Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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