Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
