just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
