if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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