I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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