so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
