I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
