I cannot find my penis.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
