One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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