I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize