can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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