Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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