I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
