She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
