i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
