i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
