Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
