Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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