happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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