Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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