U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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