the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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