Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize