Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
