This is not my ceiling
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
