Your mouth is God's brothel.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize