What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
