hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
