My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
