this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
