20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
