The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
