i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
