nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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