i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
