It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
