Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
