Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
