Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
