thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
