get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
