Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
