So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
