singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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