If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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