He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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