i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
