With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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