Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
